This feeling of anticipating the moment to come fills me with both excitement and dread. Each day is filled with these moments and my thoughts of finally getting to my 3 ft square cement pad, my car or finally my balcony that overlooks the pool. These are my safe havens that I share with my friend of twenty plus years. I was the one who introduced myself and over time we have been inseparable even though my deepest desire is to rid myself of my constant companion. Not only would I be better off, but those around me would also gain.
From my desk, the signed acknowledgement of my goals and dreams behind glass is a reminder of my failures. As clear as day and night, the statement confers that I, Gregory C. Ramsey satisfactorily pursued the studies and passed the examinations required to hold the degree of Doctor of Medicine.
One after another sit on parchment awaiting my expertise. All the days of my means of a living are spent in contradiction. “Do as I say not as I do” is the refrain that swirls around my mind as I give each one the lecture for a lifetime. All the while my friend is at the forefront of my thoughts.
As I pull down the sweetness into my lungs, my heart cries for freedom. I struggle with the chemical and emotional imbalance of my desires. I so desperately want to live the life of influence. Achievement has always been a result of formulated actions, but the experience of success that I crave has thus far eluded me.
The days have passed into years and I will no longer accept the lies of one so powerful. My tomorrow will radiate hopefulness without the emptiness of my yesterday. My mind is renewed.